There Is Grace

I have messed up a lot still with that same guy. We have had such an unhealthy relationship that now for the rest of this week I cannot even talk to him. I haven't gone through with what God wants for me, and the result is hurt feelings, shame, depression, and a break from each other. Why do I not just follow God? He was tugging at my heart, calling my name out loud, and I told God to hold on for a bit because I was scared and unsure. I did talk to Him about it, but I did not dwell in His presence to hear His voice. I didn't trust God.

All that to say, I know I messed up, but I cannot keep shaming myself. The Joshua study that Kelly and I are doing made the point that the Holy Spirit convicts us, and only Satan brings back up forgiven sins and causes us to feel guilt. So I can be free again. The author made the point that sometimes she doesn't feel forgiven- I mean, sometimes it's a hard concept to grasp, to be forgiven anytime we ask no matter what we did nor how many times. And one time when she had a hard time knowing she was fully forgiven, she heard Jesus say to her, "What do you want, more blood?" This is a good question for us to ask ourselves. Jesus' payment was complete. It was enough. It finished the atonement needed. Once we ask God to forgive us of our sins, His word says that as far as the east is from the west, so far are our sins separated from us.(Psalm 103:12)

When I need a little "pick-me-up" I read Jesus Lives by Sarah Young. The entry on grace helped me a lot. It said, "Even your mistakes can be recycled into something good through My transforming grace...The best strategy for accepting yourself, even when you make mistakes, is living close to Me. This nearness helps you see things from My perspective. You tend to view yourself as someone who should be almost perfect, making very few errors. My perspective is quite different: I see you as My beloved child- weak in many ways, prone to wandering from me. However, your weakness and waywardness cannot diminish My constant Love for you. Moreover, My infinite wisdom enables Me to take your errors and weave them into an intricate work that is good." This reminds me of Romans 8:28- "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." I do not know how God is going to use my mistakes for his kingdom, but his word promises it will be used for good. It already has me running back to Him, crying for help.

So don't dwell on your sins, ask for forgiveness, and dwell in His presence. He is waiting for you, all you have to do is go to Him. I know it's not easy sometimes, I proved that with this guy, but it's so worth it in the end, and we will be tremendously blessed if we do.